Mean Girls....it's not just for High School
Mean girls, too bad it wasn't just a movie. This is a real life phenom that is plaguing girls everywhere. In high school it was the cafeteria, locker room, homecoming or prom...cliques everywhere. In college it is via groups, clubs, majors, high school alums vs transfers, and Greek life. After college you still see it; the gym, work, wives clubs, and which HS or college you went to. All of these things have something in common, exclusion.
These groups and cliques exclude people. There are many ways to make people left out, I speak from first hand experience, that's for sure. Women gossip, have back handed compliments, digs, dirty looks etc I never understood why women or girls feel like they have to shun other women but I guess that's just instincts.
Teams are formed to reach common goals. Some of those goals are toxic and horrible, making someone feel cast out or to make them the butt of jokes. Women originally would team up for survival. They needed each other for hunting and gathering. Shunning other women from the group meant their demise. Now, that demise is social devastation. This video from the TODAY show is very interesting and brings light to the issue.
Mean girls are portrayed in media, reality TV shows (they are hilarious and I love Bravo but what kind of example are we putting out there for people that don't know better), so forth. But there is a way that you can deal with it.
First, if you are a part of this group and don't necessarily feel comfortable with the treatment of others, SPEAK UP! If may be hard and you don't want to be the next target but believe me...you don't want to fit in with people like that, guilty by association.
Second, if you are the person that is being bullied and bad mouthed...STAND UP FOR YOURSELF. You will feel proud of yourself when it's all said and done. It will be difficult and you will want to crumble because sometimes running from the issue is easier but if it isn't you...it will be someone else. I can't stand to watch anyone be taken advantage of or bullied, it took me years but I'm sure enough of myself now that I know I'm worth it. I am worth respect.
Third, think about their point of view. Bullies are sad sad people. They usually pick and shun because they are envious, weak, or all about the "destroying" competition so that they can survive in their social standing...how barbaric?! You will see, in the instance where I was being bullied and singled out I finally noticed that it was about competition. I wasn't going to conform to this "girl's" system, I challenge things and when you challenge people on a high horse...well, they don't like it and they will try to rally the troops. This is nothing about you, it's about their insecurities. With those people you just tell them, "THIS MUST STOP." That's it! Just STOP...stop the gossip, the bad mouthing, games, etc. If they do the, "I have no idea what you are talking about?" walk away and know that you are the bigger person, leave...that's a fool's game and the only fool is the one trying to exclude you.
I hope this makes sense or at least helps someone. I felt so sad and lonely and then started to blame myself but it was not my fault. If people was to listen to gossip, let them. You really don't want those type of people in your life anyways.
